The Key to Avoiding Vulnerability

You struggle to ask for help or know when you need it because you're used to doing everything independently. As a child, you learned that you're most loveable when you're self-sufficient and that your value lies in not bothering others with your needs, and to be loved, you must satisfy the needs of others. So, you naturally became good at being the strong one—the listener, the support system for others. A role you've grown to resent because no one ever seems to show up in those ways for you.

Divine Spirit, it's because you won't let them.

Is Hyper-Independence

The rebellious teenager within you won't let them. You see, you've learned that love is validation, and the cost of their love is your subjugation—a violation based on objectification. Your rebellious teenager recognizes this injustice and shouts, "If they are free to express their full humanity and be loved, then why can't I?"

Torn between wanting their love and wanting to love yourself, you discover an insidiously clever solution. Hyper-independence is the resolution. You reclaim your independence as a way to love yourself. You don't need them. So, their validation/love can't affect your emotional health. It is a win-win because since you can take care of yourself, you never have to be vulnerable. Plus, you still get to earn their validation/love in the only way you've ever known, with your independence.

Because Divine Spirit, what you cannot see—is that you're following a script of duality. 

Your Bulletproof Armor

Now, you're embodying the love that hurt you. You never learned how to communicate your needs effectively, affirm your boundaries, and set consequences appropriately. So, you took on an uncompromising ego to shield yourself from getting hurt. You're stingy with your validation/love.

Made Up of Perfectionism

Hyper-vigilance marks minor flaws as dealbreakers, ending relationships before they've had a chance to begin. When you are in a relationship and your partners fail to be the perfect object to satisfy the needs, you don't know how to satisfy yourself; you seek others to fill that hole or end the relationship.

Concealing a Fear of Becoming Dependent and Preventing The Intimacy You Seek

No matter how strong and independent you appear, deep down, you know that you want to be loved unconditionally and supported. But you have no idea how to find something you've never experienced.  

Your fear of abandonment has quietly shaped your relationships, subconsciously testing your partner's commitment. When someone gets too close to your vulnerable spots, you push them away. But when they pull back, your heart aches for them to lean back in.

Your nervous system isn't used to security—it feels unfamiliar, even boring—so you chase excitement. You find yourself drawn to a string of partners who can't fully meet your needs or who aren't trustworthy, unknowingly repeating the same painful script—again, and again, and again. But what if you could rewrite it?

Divine Spirit, There's Something Other Than Dependence and Independence—